Times are different here.
Everything seems so relaxed.
I want to be able to do something, even if that meant Ms Ng's homework.
I want to be able to go out with friends.
I want to go back to school and spend some time with people in the lab.

I miss the air I used to breathe in when I was living high up in the sky.
I prefered the small box I lived in, compared to this big house.
I miss the sound of cars driving everywhere, the loud construction noises and the dust that'll fly into your face the moment you step out of the gate.
I miss taking the bus to school.
I miss the school.
I miss wearing the uniform.
I miss the teachers and everyone there I knew.

It's just... I think you should know how this feels. Torn apart by unforeseen circumstances from your friends, it hurts. It's empty. What's empty? Me. My friends were what made me alive, and without them, I feel so... dead. There are so many things in Singapore that I shall miss, even if it's the smallest of stuff.

Perhaps life here will be better and easier, but definitely not livelier.

And yes, I do notice that the very first part of this post has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of it.

I am dead bored. Really bored.

There is something I need to tell you.
I won't mention who, but if you were smart enough, you'd guess.

You egoistical freak. You care only for your own feelings.
Stop picking fights over the stupidest of reasons. Stop thinking you're always right, because you're only wrong. Your outrageous attempts to make accusations, and your never-ending suspicion is making me sick. Stop doing this. Go rot by the side of the road or something.

Okay that's one person down.

Another.

Why is it that the only person I want in this world, is the only person who couldn't care less with what I did with my life?
Everyone can see that you don't care, I can see it too. Stop pretending. Just tell me to go away.
Because as long as you don't tell me to, I won't.
I thought parting would make forgetting you easier, but it only made it harder.
I miss you.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. No cheating!
4. Name 5 people to ask them to do this! Not doing this.
5. Based on the question and the song, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?
Slow Down – The Academy Is…
My life’s going on too fast. I have to agree with that. In response to how I am feeling today, following the lyrics of the song, I feel as though that certain someone in my life are just saying nice stuff just to make me feel happy, but everyone could see you don’t care hmm? And should I have said those things to make him feel like he was something special or that he ever really mattered?

Will you get far in life?
Heilig – Tokio Hotel
This song says no. Well, I’ll die earlier than the one I love, and somehow, the wishes I make before I die will lead that person to the right way. Even though I die, that person to me will be forever sacred and although dead, I will live for our immortality. This person is really special to me, and I would do anything to see this person happy, even if it means my own misery, such as being drifted away from you.

How do your friends see you?
This Is How I Disappear – My Chemical Romance
My friends are the people that make me to who I am. They mould me, and without them I am almost nothing. Almost like a walking corpse, with no life. There are things I hide from many, but regardless, I still need them, even if not there to help me solve my problems, I need them there. When they’re not here, I am constantly crying out for their presence. That is one reason why parting is such sweet sorrow. Without you is how I disappear, and live my life alone forever now.

Will you get married?
I Wanna Love You Cover – The Maine
Perhaps I won't, perhaps I will. The marriage will be driven by lust, and if I don't get married, there are a lot of people I would like to 'love'. How scandalous.

What is your best friend's theme song?
Der Letzte Tag – Tokio Hotel
The last day? Eh? What, you trying to make fun of the fact that I’m gone from my darlings? Okay, so how is this your theme song… It was my last day, but we still insisted it wasn’t. When it has all ended, well it hasn’t. Not yet. The whole song just talks about how we will spend the last moments we have together, but still say that it is not the last time we shall see each other. True enough for all of us, right? It has not ended for us yet.

What is the story of your life?
Headfirst For Halos – My Chemical Romance
Although always filled with uneasiness, and deep down, I hold a lot a lot of sadness, I always “think happy thoughts”. I like to relive good moments, and I normally always can’t let out the right expression. Theres so much emotion stirring inside me, I don’t know how to let it all out. I have organized nicely the things in life that makes me “fly” and makes me “fall”. I have thoughts in my head that I can’t get out and I feel like I’ll “blow my brains against the ceiling”.

What was primary school like?
I Hate Everything About You – Three Days Grace
I like how this makes sense. I do enjoy the times I had in the school, the friends that I made, but truthfully, I do not miss that place at all. I do not feel any loss. I did not like the school all that much, although I’ve had great times there. I never had the urge to go back there. Almost as though I had always waited for the time I would get out of that place. I hate everything about you, why do I love you?

How can you get ahead in life?
1000 Meere – Tokio Hotel
I can only do so if I can overcome the impossible. I have to gather my senses, come back to me, back to us, and most importantly, with you in my mind, almost as though you’re my goal. I have to find a place where I can seek solace, with you. I can only do so if you trust me. Together, we’ll be free. And once we are, there’s nothing and no one we’ll miss and one day we’ll look back with no regrets. Please don’t drift away from me, please let me drift towards you. With you, that’s how I can get ahead in life.

What is the best thing about your friends?
I Don’t Love You – My Chemical Romance
Wait, this is so contradictory, don’t you think? I love my friends very much, thank you. Well, I guess the best thing is that we are able to make stuff for each other, even if at that point of time, we’re not on good terms. We’re able to work things out because we’re willing to sit and talk, without claws or fangs. In the end, we’ll love each other just like before.

What is in store for this weekend?
Someday - Nickelback
I’ll be able to work out something I have always wanted to work out. I’ll be thinking about what it is, and I will try my best to work towards it. I will say things I have always needed to stay, I’ll make a better ending for all of us, make sure things get better. Talk about everything in life we’ve missed, and talk about how we did not see it coming, and how we could have used it to our advantage. Talk about things that did not talk place, and how things would have been better if it took place. Now that the story’s played out like this, we shall talk about how it would be if it was not played out like that.

What song describes you?
Monsoon – Tokio Hotel
Everything about the song fits me. How I’m looking forward to almost nothing. I’ve been waiting here for so long, for you, until the clouds come up and rain and again. The breathtaking chorus talks about how you’re the only thing that can calm me down, the thing I will work towards, the thing that keeps me going in life. I always see your vision, but it’s actually really not there, and that makes me feel alone. I have to find you now, I can always hear your name. I have always been around people, it’s hard to make this darkness feel like home. Nothing can hold me back from you, even the strongest storms, time, the world, anything, whatever. I’m fighting all this power coming in my way. Just to get to you. I will go to the end of time, beyond the world, fight the storm, go into the blue, just to get to you.

To describe your grandparents?
House Of Wolves – My Chemical Romance
They’re wise, and they don’t mind sharing whatever it is they have learnt. They have seen days go past, and hopefully, the days ahead of us are “innocent days”. They want to pass on being known as a nice person. They want to be known as an angel. They are not afraid to face death. But still they’re really very positive about their life, although, cruelly speaking, they do not have very long. I do not want them to go! That is true! But that is the cruel fact, is that not?

How is your life going?
Fall For You – Secondhand Serenade
I know you don’t think that I am trying. I have fallen for you so many times over, are you willing to break my heart again this time? A guy like you is impossible to find. You’re impossible to find. If I don’t ever see you again, I won’t live to see another day. This feeling, I swear it’s true. His is not what I intended, I never wanted to fall for you, but I did. In making you happy, I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start.

What song will they play at your funeral?
An Deiner Seite – Tokio Hotel
This song goes out to everyone that attends my funeral, everyone I find special. I will always be by your side, you’re never alone. Even for a while, I will still be there for you. I will be there whenever you want me to. It doesn’t matter where you are, I can hold you when you reach for me. I am by your side, even for a little while. We can make it if we try. Even after passing on, I will always be by your side.

How does the world see you?
Innocence – Avril Lavigne
I am a very positive person. At least my outlook of life is positive, but I do hold a lot of sadness in me. The little things in life make me happy all the time, and there’s nothing about it I will change. I have experienced the best feelings in life before, and there are at some points in life where I get stuck there, because I love that moment too much. To me, that moment is perfect. The people I love, I never want them to go away because I will always need them. There’s nothing in my life which I will change, because I believe that everything happens for a reason. The happiness in me is always hard to describe.

Will you have a happy life?
Rescue Me – Tokio Hotel
Not really. There’s a certain someone special in my life that will, or maybe has already left me. And although we’re not together anymore, I shall ask of you to rescue me, because you’re the only one who can rescue me. Everything we experienced together was just fake, and here I am already hoping that you would deny that it was all a stand-up. I want to let you know how I feel, but you won’t hear. It feels as though the walls are coming closer. My senses are fading away. Set me free, please. I’m haunted by your shadow. I reach to feel your face, but you’re not here. What a sad life, don’t you think?

What do your friends really think of you?
Classifieds – The Academy Is…
They think my life reads like the classifieds, pages of what’s for sale, and what’s on the auction block. They think I’ve got a decent voice, and I have a crooked smile. They think I think I write good storylines, they think I have honest eyes. They know that I see that life is cruel, but I see the good in it instead, but I like to open their eyes to the cruel world. I like literal meaning of things, for the fun of it, but really I prefer reading deeper into it, as they say “read between the lines”. I don’t forget nice memories easily. I cherish them. I used to be really ambitious, but now I like to take the easier step at things, cheat a bit. I now hold the smoking gun. I do not like promises to get broken, although they were meant to be. Even after I die, I do not want them to get broken. If possible, fulfill them. I rely on the people I really love. I really wish they would listen to what I have to say, and listen to my advice, instead of just thanking me and doing nothing after that. I never want beautiful relationships to end. This will not be all we will ever have.

Do people secretly lust after you?
Down With The Sickness - Disturbed
Sounds more like people hate me. I’m broken, and they don’t care because I couldn’t care either. I’m turning into the worse, and I’m bringing everyone down with me. If I am going through misery, everyone else will too. I let people vent their anger on me, and then I will do the same to them, just worse. Who lusts after people like me?

What should you do with your life?
Love Is Dead – Tokio Hotel
I have to make sure that the relationships I have with the people now are always there and are never broken, because we die when love is dead. I have to cherish the people I have now.

Will you ever have children?
Schwarz – Tokio Hotel
This song tells that I will have no time for children. No time to look back at the past, everything that has been burnt and turned to black. Everything ahead of me is as dark as whatever it is that has passed, so what is the point of bringing another life into the world if I am just there to make them miserable too? The person I depend on the most in life suddenly leaves and I become weak. For all I know, if I do have children, the same would happen to them, and I would be the one to leave them. Not a really bright future, you have to agree. Or maybe it means I’ll have black children in the future.

So here I am, in Malaysia.
The internet has finally been fixed.
So I am going to write a blog post, although honestly, I am really lazy to do so.

I was chatting with Atiqah, Din and Bavani in one conversation. I miss them so much. Feels different without having them around. They're the ones who always brighten up my day, but now they're so far away.

I MISS YOU ALL. I've been far away for far too long. You have no idea.
Without the internet for one week, without my friends, was the closest experience I've had with death thus far. BEBEHS FOREVER. Yes, I love them way too much, and I still regard Singapore as my home.

It feels more like we're on holiday here in Malaysia. I still haven't gotten used to this place yet.
Especially the toilet.

Other than that, I guess everything's fine.

Got an iguana today.
Abah named it Toby, although I thought that Dmitri Lousteau was cooler.
We stuck with Toby anyway.
Atiqah said it was cliche.

READ HER BLOG, SHE LOVES ME, I LOVE HER TOO.
Haha!

Khairul's last day was last Friday, and Jas managed to take a photo with him!
Damn, how come when I ask you for a photo, you don't let me huh huh huh?
But meh, never mind.
I have said this, but I shall say it again,
Good luck for all your future endeavors!

Ah, I don't know what else to type.
There's so many things, but my fingers are too lazy.
Good night.
I miss you, everyone.

Don't so jakun, can?
Argh, fsking bimbos.

D&T, go to hell man, GO TO HELL.
I don't understand why I have to redo this for the THIRD time just because YOU lost MY work.
Stop putting the blame on me, you impregnated good-for-nothing.

I've gone through [and going through] so much shit.
Feeling down feels normal.
I'm so sick of everything that I don't feel the need to feel sad anymore.

Saturday.
Bye Singapore.

Trust me, I'm not happy about this.
Maybe I just need time to get away from all this mess.

There was you. Everything I was looking for.
And then there was you. Why did you resurface?
And then, there's her. Where the hell did my stuff go to?
Then again, there's them. How am I to leave you all?
And sure, you people. Stop making me feel bad.

For sure Din, I think fate is fucking me through the ass.
Believe me when I say I don't like the feeling at all.

Aww, Fifi, don't cry.
It's not time yet, darling.
NOOO, DON'T CRY :(

Oo, went back to school after school to see Ms Ng.
SMS-ed Atiqah and then suddenly saw her and Iza and some others walking towards the gate. I just stopped, and Iza screamed and we all had a big group huuuug!
Met Ms Ng to give that donation card crap thing.

Went to McDonald's and on the way, we saw Mr Khairul and gang.
PS. I like your orange umbrella.
HAHA.

You don't understand.
I am left with like, only 4 days to spend time with one of the best people I have ever met in the world.
And you are blaming for trying to make the best out of the time I have left?
I am going to see these people for only a few more days, and I am going to spend the rest of my life with you people.

Darn it man.
Darn it.

I don't care if you actually scolded me for always wanting to go out or something,
but if you were to say anything that would insult the importance of my friends to me, then I get really sad.
I really do.
And I get really angry.

How can you say that they are always with me only when I'm happy, and when I'm down, they just leave me alone? Have you ever spent time with them? No, you haven't. How would you know what they do?
They are one of the only people who could actually understand how I feel, and they know what to do to cheer me up.
Not like you. You walked in on me crying yesterday night and all you did was stare and look and left. I bet you had no idea I was crying too. Even if you did, I bet you thought that I cried because you scolded me, but no. I cried because of what you said about my friends.

Yes, I do admit, maybe I haven't been spending time with my family nowadays.
I regret, but you have to try understand too. I am going off to another place, where I might never be able to see my friends again, and I am left with a mere 4 days, but only a few hours.

And about me not trying to help packing up, did I ever say I wanted to move? No, I didn't. I would try to stop this from happening if I have to.
I don't want to see what I have here being shoved into a box and being labelled, because I don't want the idea of moving off to somewhere foreign. Some place I don't want to go to. You know this is the only place I would ever want to be.

Well, yea, sure. I can hear you say now, life goes on, the only constant in life is changes, you'll never know till you try and shit like that, but that is not me. I do not like changes. I will try out new things, but moving to another place where I have to leave the people I love behind, is beyond what I can do. I cannot do it. I can't.

I bet you don't know, how many tears I've shed staying up all night and listening to nothing but music. I don't like the fact that I'm going away. I don't like it at all. The people I've met here are such extraordinary people, people I know I can always rely on. I don't want to leave them. They've already got a place in my heart.

I know of someone who told me that technology would make the parting easier. Well, maybe it will. Many people have said that, but it just will never feel the same without knowing that their presence is here.

There's so many things to do,
yet so little time.
Very little time...

YAY DIN BELANJEEEEEEE
your reaction to this would probably be,
"eh, mampos..."

I saw Santi.
I want Santi.
Give me Santi.

Today was really fun.
THANKS SO MUUUUUCH GUYYYSSS.

Oh, and before I forget.
THANKS FOR THE CAKE!

<3 you all, aqilahatiqahizabavanifirdauszulhilmiaizuddinnasuha

Hugged A LOT of people today, whom I have never expected would willingly hug me back.
Had brunch at KFC with Aqilah, Atiqah, Iza, Bavani, Jaini, Ryan and Zul.

Aaaah, darn.
I'm going to miss all of you so bad.
What ALMOST made me tear was when Jay and Bavs tried looking for something to buy for me.
And that Sharm said she would call me on Saturday.
When Praveena and Jaslyn and Wing Sang and so many others said they'll miss me.
When Zul told me not to leave! [that was so unexpected HAHA]

"Learn to let go. The grass is always greener on the other side!"
Trying...

AAAAAAHHHH ><
I can't think of anything else to say.
Although with a lack of money,
I still enjoyed my day very much with all of you.

It has been a pleasure *bows*


I'll make a proper post dedicated to the one and only class that has made my day time and time again soon. Let me think of all the words to say. It's going to crack my brain just by thinking of it, because all of you are too special to put into words [but special is a word I just used to describe you people. Contradictory hmmm...]. Now all of you go hug yourselves [or each other, suit yourself], cause YOU RULE!
As cliche as it sounds,
Now all of you go do Ms Ng proud and reach her expectations!
Don't bully her, darlings.
We'll see each other again, soon.
*sniff*

Okay, you're no cookie.
YOU'RE A MUFFIN, yea beh.

I feel really excited at the fact that SA1 is ending soon.
But I am not excited at the fact that next week is coming so soon.

15 May.
Argh, go to hell man.
Not directed to anyone really, just frustrated.

So let's walk along the roads of Orchard and relive the days we had,
with the new people, and make new memories.

The Academy Is... - The Phrase That Pays
Click the above to watch the ridiculously adorable William Beckett sing.